Brewing Reality: Prologue

 

After publishing that article last year, I found myself contemplating on whether I overreacted to the situation or I was just emotionally weak to deal with it. The best way that I thought of to realize everything was to cross-examine myself first. I looked back on how we’ve come to that point and it was surprising to discover how every piece fell into its place the moment I understood the whole thing.

It is during that process of contemplating that I came up with this series of writings. It was like therapy doing this. Recently I found these writings in a forgotten folder while I was getting rid of old files in my laptop. And I decided all of the writings could be arranged to form something like a memoir, and so I edited parts, arranged one after another, and came up with this series of essays. Let me start the series with this one.

 

“Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.”

 

Brewing Reality

Prologue

Everybody knows that I have abandoned my frequent drinking for sometime. And while everybody also thinks I have given up the recurrent drinking for good, I might want to clear the situation here. It’s a temporary sacrifice, not a permanent vow.

 The whole idea of not touching liquor was not an overnight decision, nor was it a direct thought on the subject. I woke up one day and I just felt that I needed a break from living the fast-paced life because I think I’m messing up everything. And the first thing I thought of was to start teaching myself how to say NO. I’m too nice, I can’t say no… It has always been my weakness. When friends suggest we go out for some coffee on early afternoons, I’ll say yes, even when I know coffee cracks my nerves. We end up cutting late afternoon classes because the couch felt too comfortable or the gossips were too juicy and loaded compared to my Spanish class lessons. When, usually on Friday afternoons, friends plan the not-so-impromptu drinking session… count me, I’m on it, because before I could say “no, I can’t, I have readings to finish tonight” we were already hopping on the cab, scrambling our way to get out of the campus. Of course, I was dragged into cab and all I can do was to hope mom is asleep by the time I get home. One may not find it abusive to drink and have fun on Friday nights and weekends, and yes, I agree. However, the dilemma here is, once you catch the spirit, everyday could be a Friday, and the next morning might end up feeling like a Saturday just because your head’s still quite heavy from last night’s drink-until-u-drop.

 

That is where I’m coming. I had to start saying no, think through things, and decide which ones I can commit to. And so I’ve been clean and sober from last quarter last year, and I’m proud (but I’m hurtin’) to say, until this day.

 And to think that I’m denying myself even a shot of any liquor… I’m now telling myself that I must be crazy to continue this. Nevertheless, because I pride myself in saying that I always keep my word and hold on to the principle behind my every decision, I’m still on this. But here’s the catch: This was all because I wanted to teach myself how to say NO. And over the past months of torturing myself, I’m proud to say that I learned my lesson. I have said no to who knows how many drinking sessions. I have let parties passed because there’s no sense on partying without the booze. Now I know how to say NO when I know it is the best answer to give. This little sacrifice is worth it, and the next time a cold bottle would make its way to me, I know I am as free as I want to be to greet it and say, “It’s been a long time, let’s get this party on!”